Cabinet: The Movie
Howard govt - - Posted on July, 18 at 2:10 pm by Aussie Bob
“Welcome No.2. I still say you are the best Deputy a Prime Minister could ever hope for.”
“Thank you, Great Helmsman. Everything I am I owe to you. And everything I am not,
for that matter…”
“I accept your gratitude, No. 2. You clearly know your place.
To business… I have heard it said the polls are going not necessarily to our advantage.
Joe, can you fill us in?”
“Yes, My Father. Despite naming eleven evil union bosses this week alone
and reassuring the Mob their pay cuts are for the good of the nation, the last few
days have seen the ungrateful sods resonate to the clarion call of Rudd.
We’re 16 points behind! … 2PP! Even Dennis can’t help us!”
“Ah! Dennis… not quite The Menace he was of old. Could he not make more of
a single percentage point? That sausage sizzle metaphor, so cunningly dreamt up by our
spin merchants even had me saying ‘WTF?’? What of the Dorothies out there, so beloved
of Brother Hartcher, waiting for me to pull the appropriate levers? Where is Textor?
Cannot his National Emergency deliver the required poll bounce? Is he not from the
Northern Territory after all? Does he not know his own kind?”
“Ahem… It’s No. 5 here, PM, the Inquisitor. Do not concern yourself with such
bagatelles. I have good news! Today I have revoked the visa of Haneef, Doctor Of Death.
This will surely restore our standing with the rednecks and xenophobes. They are your core
constituency, after all. I dare any man to say that Immigration has not performed beyond
expectations!”
“Silence No.5! No-one doubts your loyalty and your devotion to persecuting brown people
for the common good. But I must ask the question… Is there any man here who thinks that
just possibly our poor poll performance may be due to… due to… me? Am I the stumbling block?
Speak up. Let me know your true feelings… I see… You are silent. Did I hear a pin drop?”
“Well, PM, seeing as you ask… It was only yesterday that No.3, here on my left, I regret
to inform you, was saying to me, ‘Y’know, Malcolm, I think the old bastard has had his chips.
We’re fucked if he’s still in charge come the election. I wish he’d just up stakes and give
me a go as leader. I mean, I was leader once, and I can be again!’” Sorry Lexy. But I had
to tell our Great Helmsman of your thought crimes.”
“Such treachery as this is unforgiveable. A harsh penalty must be paid.
I have bared my neck to youse all and this is the thanks I get for it. Where
would you have gotten a job if I hadn’t given one to you Downer? My decision is final.
No.3 must destroyed, as will any other who dares to cast doubt upon my ascendancy!
Perhaps the alligators will caress your rosy cheeks, for no-one here shall!”
“Aaaaargh!!! I only did it for Daddy!”
“The only one araldited to his seat around here is me. Heh, heh…So perish all traitors.
Now… are there any other criticisms or complaints about my Prime Ministership? No. 2?”
“Nobody here but us chickens, boss…”.
“BWAAAAAARK! buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk, BWAAAAAAARK!” buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk,
BWAAAAAAARK! buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk, BWAAAAAAARK! buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk,
BWAAAAAAAAAARK! You de rooster! You de rooster! BWAAAAAAARK!
Posted in Howard govt |
July 18th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Truly excellent.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Loved it.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Gold. Great work.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Priceless.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Inspired
July 18th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
This was obviously written as a take on the cabinet and the PM, sadly though, when we look at it carefully, it is true right down to the very last chicken.
July 18th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
You’ll note though, that as No 5 leans into the microphone, 2 to his left is the man who obviously should have played Dolly.
July 18th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Bob, you is teh shizzle
July 18th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
LMFAO!
Brilliant!
July 18th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Bravo! Encore!
July 18th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
What a hoot. Very clever AB.
July 18th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Who leaked this document to you, AB? You’ll be damn lucky if you get bail.
July 18th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Damn. Who leaked the Cabinet documents?!!!!
July 18th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Hilarious AB.
Check out this:
http://www.thetruthseeker.co.uk/article.asp?ID=6875
Could our cabinet be getting prepared for same as the New Reich heads to Sydney?
July 18th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I looked thru this the first time and got no reaction so I cut half my brain out with a kitchen knife and read it again.
It’s everything that the others say - inspired, brilliant, very clever, shizzling, whatever!
I LMFAO so much that now, having no a*se and half a brain I put the other half and my laughed-off a*se in a blender and switched it on and it cried out ‘You cant do this to me, I’m Aussie Bob, you cant do this to me, I’m Aussie Bob’.
Am one with you, really!
July 18th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
“Nobody here but us chickens, boss…”.
Bwana Bob, you da boss Aussie satirist, make everyone laugh. Bloody brilliant.
On a cui bobo basis, I reckon WaterBoy Turnbull’s the leaker.
July 18th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
next key to the left…bono
July 18th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Superb.
Ernst Stavro Howard. I always suspected as much.
I suppose Rudd’s gotta be 007. He better start loading the Walther.
July 18th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
“war kabinet: teh komic!!!”
encore! encore!
July 19th, 2007 at 7:42 am
It is a privilege to read your excellent work. Where else can we go for the truth?
July 19th, 2007 at 8:54 am
I don’t even know that much about Australian politics (other than that Howard is a global warming denier governing the first country to be hard by said effect he does not believe in), but I still laughed my ass off at this. Gotta love the razor-sharp brand of Australian satire.
July 19th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
AB, it doesn’t get any better than this - thanks so much.
July 20th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
legendary
can someone get on the ABC
August 9th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
I salute your courage in taking this documentary footage, AussieBob. You are a true patriot.